Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
