i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
