weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
