I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
