Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
