your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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