my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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