morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
