Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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