If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
