I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
