I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
