Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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