Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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