Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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