I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
