im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
