I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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