His pubic hair was longer than his dick
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
