Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
