I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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