So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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