Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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