oh god the rape fog is back!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
