C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
