Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I smell stomach acid.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
