whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
