Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
