he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
