I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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