She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
