we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
