it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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