Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Drunk walkin through police station. America
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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