I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
