ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
