after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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