I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
