My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
