Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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