Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Please don't give away my fajitas
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
