i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
