you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
