ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
