I just threw up on my dentist
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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