WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
