I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
