her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
