guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
