i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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