You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
