you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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