her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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