I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
