i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
